My Biggest Fear

My Biggest Fear

When I was a little girl, I was afraid of the dark. I eventually grew out of it … for the most part. When I was a teenager, I feared never getting asked out on a date or making a bad grade on a test. When I turned eighteen, my biggest fear was getting into a good college and choosing a major. After college, my biggest fear was finding a job.

Now that I’m 34 years old, I’m supposed to have my life together. Society has an image of what my life should look like, and let me tell you … my life does not resemble society’s interpretation.

My biggest fear at this age is ending up alone. I still haven’t found Mr. Right, and my best friend is my mom. I’m closer to my immediate family than anyone else, and that consists of my Mom, Dad, Brother, and Nephew. Sure I have friends outside of my family, but I don’t talk to them on a daily basis or see them everyday.

I love having Mom as my best friend. She’s amazing, and I can tell her anything. We laugh together, cry together, yell at each other, and we forgive quickly.

My biggest fear is what will happen to me when she’s gone. Who will I turn to? Who am I going call after a terrible day at work and spill my guts too? Who’s going to tell me that I’m beautiful and make me feel that way? Whose hugs will be filled with so much warmth it takes away all the pain that tries to drown me on a bad day?

No one will replace my mom. No one can. These are the thoughts that keep me up at night and make me cry for no apparent reason. And when I start to fall down this path of depression, I remember that God is bigger than my biggest fear. He was with me before I ever met my mom, and He’ll be with me long after she falls asleep in Christ. Knowing that I’ll never truly be alone makes the fear just a little less intimidating. It’s always there lurking in the background, but I will not allow it to make a stronghold in my mind. I’m going to enjoy every single day that I have with my mother, and I’m not going to regret one moment we share together. The day will come when we have to say goodbye, and then I’ll face my biggest fear just like I did when I was a little girl––with God right beside. And with God, I will conquer that fear just like I have the others.

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